Wednesday, December 31, 2008
God Who Hides
By Ramone - December 19, 2008
"Truly You are a God who hides Himself,This came about after a conversation (and letting God wrench my own guts personally) about not depending on feeling/seeing God, but letting Him reveal Himself to us by Spirit, in the Spirit, not by feelings, not by faith, not by emotions, not by sight. I "knew" the truth that we're not to depend on sight/feelings, but there is a natural part of us that longs for these touches, and that night I simply discovered a deep part of myself that longed for it which I hadn't known before. So I had to surrender it to Him. More on that in a minute.
O God and Savior of Israel." (Isaiah 45)
"We live by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7)
"However, as it is written:
'No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love Him'
— but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit." (1 Corinthians 2:9-10)
The picture naturally looks like a game. But God is not one to play nasty games. As He said in Isaiah, He is a God who "hides Himself". Why does He do this? Why doesn't He just appear? It's a good question, and something that goes deeper than intellectual curiosity. We have a deep, natural need in our very souls that longs for this. "Where are You, God?" is not a merely intellectual question of curiosity -- it is the demand of a pained, wounded soul. It is the cry of a separated child from his Parent. It is the cry Adam must have uttered when, evicted from Eden, for the first time he experienced being "naked", being "out in the cold", out of God's presence.
Yet it was actually God who first cried, "Where are you, Adam?" God felt the sting of separation first, the result of sin. It was not God who hid first, but Adam. Remember that "Adam" also means "man" in Hebrew? We--mankind--have hidden from God by our sins. Like Adam in the garden, we have tried to cover-up with fig leaves. Like Adam, when we sin we don't realize the consequences until later.
However, as terrible as Adam's realization (and ours) of that separation is, there was someone who felt it even worse. The Son of God took our separation upon Himself on the cross. He was crucified naked, taking our darkness, our sins, our fall, our consequences. He cried out, "My God, where are You? Why have You forsaken Me?" He cried out the words Adam did not, because Adam could not clearly see what had happened. Adam's eyes had been covered, blinded to the terrible reality of separation from God. Adam saw physical life, but his spiritual sight had died. Jesus, on the other hand, could see more clearly than any man who has ever lived. The Son of God knew exactly what was happening.
Today we still cannot "see God" (not most of the time, anyway). We must walk by faith and live by the Spirit instead of by sight, by flesh, or by physical feeling. We still live with Adam's handicap (what Paul the apostle called "the flesh"). Jesus took our separation--consequences and terrible pain we will never fully understand--but we have not received new bodies yet. We are newborn babes, born of the Spirit. We are beginning to learn to live & walk in the Spirit anew. For His sovereign reasons, God wants things to be this way. He doesn't instantly transform us (give us new bodies). He wants us to learn to walk by faith, by Spirit, not by sight, not by flesh.
Our souls still long to see God face to face. That's normal. It's a healthy, God-given longing for our Daddy. But He doesn't let us see Him (most of the time). We've got to face this struggle. We've got to get in touch with that cry in our souls. No good denying it. Better to admit it and cry out (like David in the Psalms!) than to put on a tough face and pretend like we're okay with not seeing Him.
There are likely a million reasons that God has chosen to do things the way He does, to "hide Himself" the way He does. But firstly we must understand that God is love. He has said so. He does not hide Himself out of a cruel game, a joke, or some malicious pleasure in denying us our wishes. So what are some reasons He hides Himself?
One reason, I think, is certainly that since the fall in Eden, we have a habit of creating our own "gods". In ancient times they took shape in wood, bronze, silver and gold statues. In modern times they are the products of our intellect -- ideas such as humanism, atheism, or the ways we invent our own idea of God instead of letting Him reveal Himself through His means. I quoted at the beginning from Isaiah 45, and if you read past verse 15, you'll see that one reason God has "hidden" Himself is simply because we have made "gods" that our eyes can see. What is invisible, He declares, is mightier than what is visible. What we cannot see is stronger than what our hands (or minds) have forged.
Yet another reason can be learned from the history of ancient Israel -- a people unlike any other who witnessed collosal, mighty acts of God. The parting of the Red Sea, a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day leading them. Miracle after miracle, sign and wonder after sign and wonder. Yet they turned away from God time after time, so that the 'Godless' nations around them looked more virtuous than "God's people" did. "Seeing is believing" wasn't quite true. We naturally think that if we can only see Him, we'll believe.
One night almost ten years ago I cried out to God on the streets of a small town in Japan, begging Him to show me something so I could believe. He "showed" me nothing with my eyes. But a short time after that as I sat crying on some stairs, He sent a friend to me who showed me that I had faith in Him already... I had gambled my life on God's reality (by volunteering to serve Him as a missionary). I had a grain of faith already, a small mustard seed, my friend told me. Jesus had said that was enough, and as my friend spoke those words to me and showed me proof of my faith (so to speak), I realized it was true. I did already believe. I got up from those stairs realizing I believed, I had faith. And I haven't gone back! (Thank You, God!!!) That night God awakened in me a kind of "seeing" that I hadn't known before, a seeing by faith, something deeper than sight, something deeper than my ideas or intellect. Something awakened inside. For the first time I saw by faith, not by sight.
Someone once said that when Jesus Christ returned to heaven, He left our sight so that He could live in our hearts. His Spirit has now come into our hearts, into our spirits, to live and stay and make His home. God reveals Himself to us in there, Spirit to spirit. What eye has not seen and ear has not heard, God reveals by His Spirit. He covers our eyes because He wants to speak to us by His Spirit. He covers our eyes because He wants to touch us in a deeper way than we think we need.
Like a loving father about to surprise his child, God puts His hands over our eyes because He wants to surprise us with His Spirit. In our spirit He has such a great surprise for us, by faith and spirit. Be encouraged by the words Peter wrote to us:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:3-9)One day at university I was fired from a summer job unjustly (I felt). The boss seemed to have come down on me incredibly hard, even perhaps taking some pleasure in exerting control. I didn't know why, but I was so hurt by the whole incident and was either in tears or close to it when it was happening. Afterwards, confused and hurt and not completely understanding why I was so hurt, I took my Bible up to a small park on campus and sat there reading. I came across these words of Peter, and when I read the last two verses (bolded), I burst out in tears. My grief was released, and a strange peace, relief and comfort manifested in me. (Thank You God!) I couldn't completely understand, and I think I still don't understand. It wasn't the "word" I was looking for, but somehow it was just what I needed. I had been learning about God the Holy Spirit in a prayer meeting off-campus for about half a year, and perhaps because of that this 'trial' came as an abrupt and apparently unfair shock (which I think also tapped some other previous "rejection" wounds in me). In the midst of this storm, God said I did in fact love Him and was receiving Him (my salvation is Him Himself). Somehow in that moment, God used His words to direct me back to faith, and He confirmed my faith in such a strong way that the ugly visible reality of my situation melted away. By sight, the world sucked. By faith, I was relieved and at peace.
At times we have trials, and it is during those times that the pain of not "seeing" God can be especially hard. Hold on in faith. Trust what He has said, that we will have trials, but they come in order to strengthen our faith (not destroy it). He is weaning us off of depending on sight, depending on good circumstances or physical comforts. He is doing this in order to bring us to a greater surprise -- a "rest" that is deeper, stronger, more real and of greater "substance" than anything we could have ever imagined that we wanted or needed.
At the beginning I mentioned a conversation which had served to begin birthing this picture in my spirit and heart. Near the end of that conversation, I wanted to share a comment because I had been deeply affected by what was being said---about not depending on feelings/sight, but on faith/Spirit. I had wanted to share points or ideas, but I was uncovering a part of my heart which was in pain because I too wanted to "see" God and "feel" Him more. So I began to type out a prayer in front of the others. Here is what I wrote:
I'm going to suggest putting this into different terms. I think it's easy to talk about this [not trusting God by feelings] in a sort of "should" sense... I should do this, I shouldn't do this. I should seek the Lord for this, I shouldn't seek the Lord for that, etc. The problem is that this leaves our heart out of the equation.*****
God made us with a heart that has feelings, and gave us natural longings for Him, for others, for companionship, and more. The first step into going deeper into relationship with Him (so that we're not too roughly battered by waves of emotions) is to understand and acknowledge our feelings as legitimate, and our desire for more feeling as legitimate.
Denial of our feelings isn't the way, but rather surrender of them. I'm going to model this because tonight I need to say this to God, coincidentally or not. (^_^)
God, I want to experience You. I want to feel You. I want to see You. I want to know You are near.
But yet, God, I know that I can't depend on these. I go up and down. I go around in circles. Sometimes I feel You, sometimes I don't. I want to know You more, I want to feel You more.
But I know You love me, You delight in me, You rejoice over me with singing. And more than I want to be with You, You want to be with me so much more! So if I can't feel You now, it may not be that there's anything wrong with me or that there's something in the way. You love me, and somehow You're wanting to help me hear You in a different way, at a deeper level.
I don't completely understand that deeper level, what it's supposed to look like what it's supposed to feel like. I've read the words of others about it, I've heard others' experience. And I've tried to "do the same" in my life, not set my faith and relationship on my feelings. But God, doing that is working from the outside, not the inside. I can't measure myself with their relationships with You or their advice.
So God, before I put this off any longer, I want to give You my feelings... I long to be with You, God. I long to hear You. I long to feel You near me. I want to see You, Lord! I want experience, Lord! Oh how I want it! I want never-ending experience! I want happiness, I want bliss with You. And I know You have given me these longings, Lord... You have "set eternity" in my heart, a desire to be with You, the Eternal One.
But I trust You, Lord, and I realize that until the end of this age, my feelings will go up and down, and that You want to bring me to a deeper level, a deeper trust, a deeper relationship and way of conversing with You and just BEING with You. Teach me this, yes, Lord, but first here are my feelings. Here are my desires. Here are my desires for feelings, my desires for experiences. I want them, I want You. I want more of You. I want less of me. Help me want less of me!
Jesus, I choose to surrender, to give up these feelings for You. I choose to trust Your way. If You choose not to reveal more of Yourself to me in the way that I long for right now, then I choose to accept it and believe that You are love, and it is only because You love me so much that You have something BETTER for me... You hold back only because You love me so much that what I am asking for is actually too SMALL, too LITTLE of You, and You want to give me so much MORE of You.
God, I praise You for this. I am crying, but I am releasing something, my needs, my feelings, and trusting You. And I am overwhelmed with Your presence. I am not "full" yet, no, not yet Lord. But I am emptying something out here. I'm on the doctor's table, and I know You will be operating on me again. Thank You. I know You are faithful and will teach me, lead me, and fill me with more of Yourself than I can possibly ask for or imagine, according to Your Spirit which lives within me. Thank You, dear Jesus, blessed Father, in Jesus' name, amen.
In Jesus,
Ramone
See also: "So That You May See" (at Weeping Jeremiahs)
# posted by Ramone @ 7:08 PM 
Comments:
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Where are your comments? Looks like a game of hide and seek. Very playful.
# posted by 
: 1/05/2009 9:24 AM
: 1/05/2009 9:24 AM
What I see is a Lord putting hands over our eyes saying guess who? We has children loved to play games of "Tag you it, or Hide and Go seek". We cannot imagine a Lord who would want to play games with us. Not in a hurtful way but to hide himself so that we could seek him out. Can we imagine a Father who loves to surprise us with good things and not bad. Or maybe he as a different definition of what is Bad and Good.
# posted by : 1/05/2009 11:37 PM
: 1/05/2009 11:37 PM 
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