Monday, June 30, 2008
SEEK MY HEART!
By Ramone - June 24, 2008
This is a second version of this painting, which I felt compelled by the Lord to paint, and painted most of the time in tears, crying in the Spirit. Father, Draw Us to Your Heart, Your Breaking Heart
God's Breaking Heart
I don't know exactly how to write this or how to say this. The first painting turned out too nice, beautiful, colorful and bright. I thought it portrayed what I saw well. And for the time I think it did. Somehow perhaps in the photograph the green rain doesn't come out as much as it does in real life. When I made it, I did use a little light blue ink and mixed it with water for the background of the rain, and wondered if that was okay. In retrospect, probably not.
When I posted the picture, I wrote about God's breaking heart -- breaking because He gave Him who is His very heart (His Son) on the cross for us, but so many of us are drinking other rain:
Some are chasing sensational feelings, spirits and experiences, and others are chasing a more subtle spirit that focuses on policing theology and exposing falsehood -- "protecting truth" but that is not truth itself. Protecting truth is not truth! Neither is the rain of His peace, His life. Rather these are the rains of false spirits, meant to keep us from the rain of Father's heart (the Holy Spirit) that pours out to us because of the Son. All of the other rains draw us away from focusing on God's heart -- draw us away to focusing on the rain itself instead of the fountain, the spring, the well of life Himself.(*See note below) Please Don't Miss the Cry of His Heart!
As I began to ask Him about what the picture and its symbols meant, and as I wrote the story of the picture and prayed aloud on its post the burden of His heart that came was heavy and I cried in the Spirit.
So as you can imagine, it was kind of a shock to hear from friends (whom I love) about how the picture was beautiful. I understand that the message of His heart being our light in the darkness (in the storm) can be encouraging, however... it felt weird. The spirit in which I painted it was not meant for that, but rather to share His breaking heart. I can understand how the first picture seemed beautiful and encouraging, but to me, to my heart and my spirit it is something deeper, and much more painful. And perhaps I failed to paint it dark enough to get that across.
The New Picture
As I saw reactions to the painting and considered the possibility that many might eventually miss what was on God's heart that gave it to me in the first place, I began to weep and felt the Lord leading me to re-paint the picture. To make a new version, more like what I originally saw, and darker.
Open our eyes, Lord, open our eyes to Your heart, Lord!
I pray He will share His heart with you as you seek His heart, and even as you read this, and I pray that many, many people (me included) will be broken with the cry of His heart more and more so much that our eyes will see nothing else but His Son, who is His heart.
I spent the first session of painting this picture weeping. During this session everything was basically painted except for the white drops and final touches. I asked Him how to paint it, and this is what He told me. I don't understand why completely, but I believe I am supposed to share how this was done and I am weeping in the Spirit as I write this:
The heart -- make it broken, BROKEN.The original word I received with the first painting was, "In the rain, seek My heart!" But it's easy to be distracted by the "rain". I felt His heart passionately crying out, in capital letters I cannot write big enough, emphasizing, "In the rain, SEEK MY HEART!"
Darker, Blood red.
Take the light out of the rain.
Make the picture more twisted, painful.
The clouds hanging further, darker.
No deep blue, but dark green instead.
What am I to call it, Lord?
"SEEK MY HEART!"
No Relief
Later as I looked at the painting, I felt like I had taken all the life out of it. And again I suddenly start weeping in the Spirit as I type this---Lord, I don't completely understand this. Help me understand Your heart, and share Your heart with all of us, Lord!
I found no relief as I looked at the picture. It felt dry, even though it depicts "rain" -- this rain is dry and has no life in it.
But then, then I found relief as I looked away to Father's heart, as I looked to You, Lord, to Your heart now, in real life.
I wanted to understand the picture. I wanted to "get" the message and "share it", absorb it, package it, and move on. Oh Lord, I repent. I'm so sorry, Lord! How often have we wanted to just "get it", to get what You were sharing and "deliver" it or "preach it", and go home from church, close our Bibles and just move on with our lives. Oh Lord, I'm so sorry! You're not calling us to take this as some quick "message", "good message", "preaching" or "teaching". No, Lord! You are calling us to receive Your broken heart!!!
I remember something that happened years ago when I was a denominational missionary. My mission was to be an English teacher at a school, teaching English, but also giving free Bible studies. On the way to my "mission", I passed homeless people living and eating on the streets. My church did nothing for them. My "mission" did nothing, and I couldn't not do anything any longer. So for my first "sermon", I spoke about how God had loved the poor in the Bible, and how we had so many people around us just like that, just like in the Bible. I wanted to start helping them. I used my first "sermon" to cry out that we were neglecting those on His heart, and cried out that we should go help them and love them.
From most people in that service, I heard nothing. A few (whom I love) thanked me for the sermon, saying it was a "good sermon". I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I hadn't meant to give a "sermon" at all, but an appeal, a cry to love, to action, to go be His body and reach out in His love. (**see note at bottom)
I've shared this story many times before, but not until now have I wept in the Spirit as I shared it. He's really letting me know how He feels when He shares His heart and we receive it only as a message, teaching, sermon, even only as a nice blessing. He doesn't just want us to get a "message" -- He wants our hearts to be broken! He wants to share His heart with us -- not only His joys, His loves, His life and blessings, but His heart that has sorrow, His heart that grieves, His heart that mourns. This is somehow part of His life, part of the heart of eternity, the heart of the eternal God. He calls us to be His friends, His lover, and He wants to be intimate with us and share with us what's on His heart. Shall we accept only the good from Him and not the bad?
I am weeping out loud and I feel Him saying,
"My people are fair-weather friends."We want to be around Him when He's sunny, when things are good, when the "weather" is good. Nothing negative. No storms. No judgment. No warnings. No blowing the trumpet to call us to repentance and fasting. We are sure fine with doing this for the world, but not when He says this about us. We want the Finger to be pointed at the world. We don't want the double-edged sword (the Word of God) to cut us. We want it to be one-edged, cutting the world, not piercing our hearts.
Now I realize part of what He means when He said He searched for an intercessor to build up the wall and stand in the gap on behalf of the land so that He would not have to judge it. I begin to understand why in Ezekiel He told His angels to put a mark on all those in the holy city who grieved at what was going on there, and how they started judgment after that ...at the temple.
He is searching for friends, people who will receive all of His heart, people who will eat the whole Lamb, so to speak, not just the tasty parts, but the bitter herbs, too. People will take the scroll that He gives John (us) in Revelation. Friends, all-weather friends, who not only enjoy the taste of His honey, but who are also willing to let our stomachs be turned sour for the sake of His heart, for the sake of saving people on His heart -- inside and outside the "church".
He is calling us to hear His hear His heart, to be broken with His broken heart, to weep, to mourn and cry out in His heart of intercession as in Joel 2 kind of way:
Blow the trumpet in Zion; sound the alarm on My holy hill.I feel Him saying,
Let all who live in the land tremble,
for the day of the Lord is coming.
It is close at hand-a day of darkness and gloom,
a day of clouds and blackness... it is dreadful.
Who can endure it?
Seek Me and find Me. Seek My heart, and I will pour My Spirit upon you. Respond to My broken heart, and I will fill you with the things that break My heart. Look to Me, Look to My broken heart, Look to the cross that tore My heart, Look through the eyes of My love for you--for all of you--and I will pour My heart out to you, the Spirit of grace in mourning, and you will look upon Me, the One you have pierced, and you will mourn for Me as for an only Son. As you are broken with My heart, I will open fountains, rivers of life, to cleanse you and to cleanse people whom I love, the nations on My heart.Nothing But You, God
As I looked to Him and found relief from the intense dryness of trying to just "get" the message so I could type about it, I realized again that it's not about the picture at all, but about You, now. My depiction of Your broken heart isn't good enough and is not Your real broken heart! (Thank You, Lord!)
Father, O Father, Daddy, fill me with Your tender heart, Your agape love.
After this, as I returned in the Spirit to looking at the picture and asking Him about it (asking Him for His heart and to share His heart!), there was hope, strength and life. I wrote:
God, I thirst for You. I have no other way but You. There are so many other false promises and spirits in this life. But only Your Spirit, Your spirit of Your love--agape--only here is my thirst quenched. Help me see that I have no life, no "rain" unless Your agape love & heart! Help me truly see that all other "rain" apart from Your heart, Your agape, is dry and death, Lord! In Jesus' name, amen.And now I again pray,
Help me --help us-- Lord, to open our mouths wide to drink the rain You give, in all seasons, Lord. Help us to become all-weather friends to You, Lord. To open our hearts to hear Your heart, not fearing the grief of Your heart, not fearing the Sword that cuts both ways, because this Sword cuts in order to heal. We have nothing to fear in losing ourselves, in repenting, in having our righteousnesses exposed as filthy rags. All we have is the expectation of Your healing when we are broken before You. Thank You, Lord. Thank You for Your tears that cleanse us. Thank You for the fountain You promise as we embrace Your heart, as we eat the bitter scroll. Share with us the honey and the bitterness of Your heart, Lord. We love You, Lord. We are Your friends, Lord.
In Jesus' name, amen.
***** **** *****
Notes:
(*) The Lord sends rain. He pours out His Spirit on us. There are other spirits pouring, but not all "outpourings" are automatically other spirits -- it may be the Lord! Denying that the Spirit still pours, speaks or moves at all is not discernment but blindness, because even if we believe that the Holy Spirit doesn't pour these days and that we aren't being fooled and are not receiving any bad spirits, that doesn't negate the fact that spirits are nonetheless pouring. Choosing blindness to spirits that try to get us to ignore the Holy Spirit is just the same as drinking bad rain -- both bring death and are starved for the water of Life.
(**) Two or three people, I believe, heard the cry of my heart and the cry of the Lord's heart, and we began to help out as much as we could and beyond our means. One of them would become my wife two years later.
# posted by Ramone @ 6:47 PM 
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Some notes about the picture:
The 7 raindrops are the Holy Spirit. This is my addition, by the way. In the picture I saw in the Spirit I didn't see that, but I believe He let me show it that way. I knew there were pure raindrops of His Spirit, but couldn't focus on how many -- and that's not the point anyway. 7 is just simply convenient for showing His completion -- and in Revelation the Spirit is called "the sevenfold spirit of God" (or the seven spirits of God). The other five pure drops outside are the drops of His grace going to others.
The pure drops of the Spirit are coming from His broken heart. The other rain... the other rain. It's coming from one of several sources. Natural flesh, bad spirits, and delusions that God allows (even sends) as part of His judgment.
The cross is supposed to be reflected in the heart -- or light coming from within it. I think it's both. I'm not good at painting "reflection" yet (especially not with ink!), but that's how I saw it. The jagged edges of the cross show how the cross tore apart Father's heart because it tore apart His Son. (Zechariah 12:10) I wanted to kind of make it a little cleaner, those torn edges, but He stopped me.
The "rain" of life comes from this heart, from Father's heart, broken by His Son's death, broken by His love for us. Everything is in there, in His heart of love that sent His beloved Son to be broken for us. During times of "different rains" pouring and judgment, somehow it is knowing His brokenness, His love, that separates the "rains" for us. Sorting out which "rain" is real or not (which is His and which is not) is impossible. The only way is to look to His heart, to look to Him, to look to His love, to what He has done, and how much He has loved us. "In the rain, SEEK MY HEART" is what I felt Him say.
Upon seeing this new version of the picture, a sister in Christ told me: "Did you know that the sky will often turn green just before a tornado hits?"
I remembered the sky turning green during some bad daytime thunderstorms in Maryland, but I think I'd forgotten that about weather prior to tornadoes. But it makes sense. Now that I think about it, part of me wondered a little at why the picture (that I saw in the Spirit) had green in it. I thought it was just because green would make the blue seem much less healthy, more dirty or sickly. That's partially true. But the storm/tornado weather makes more sense, deeper sense, and has a message in it.
The 7 raindrops are the Holy Spirit. This is my addition, by the way. In the picture I saw in the Spirit I didn't see that, but I believe He let me show it that way. I knew there were pure raindrops of His Spirit, but couldn't focus on how many -- and that's not the point anyway. 7 is just simply convenient for showing His completion -- and in Revelation the Spirit is called "the sevenfold spirit of God" (or the seven spirits of God). The other five pure drops outside are the drops of His grace going to others.
The pure drops of the Spirit are coming from His broken heart. The other rain... the other rain. It's coming from one of several sources. Natural flesh, bad spirits, and delusions that God allows (even sends) as part of His judgment.
The cross is supposed to be reflected in the heart -- or light coming from within it. I think it's both. I'm not good at painting "reflection" yet (especially not with ink!), but that's how I saw it. The jagged edges of the cross show how the cross tore apart Father's heart because it tore apart His Son. (Zechariah 12:10) I wanted to kind of make it a little cleaner, those torn edges, but He stopped me.
The "rain" of life comes from this heart, from Father's heart, broken by His Son's death, broken by His love for us. Everything is in there, in His heart of love that sent His beloved Son to be broken for us. During times of "different rains" pouring and judgment, somehow it is knowing His brokenness, His love, that separates the "rains" for us. Sorting out which "rain" is real or not (which is His and which is not) is impossible. The only way is to look to His heart, to look to Him, to look to His love, to what He has done, and how much He has loved us. "In the rain, SEEK MY HEART" is what I felt Him say.
Upon seeing this new version of the picture, a sister in Christ told me: "Did you know that the sky will often turn green just before a tornado hits?"
I remembered the sky turning green during some bad daytime thunderstorms in Maryland, but I think I'd forgotten that about weather prior to tornadoes. But it makes sense. Now that I think about it, part of me wondered a little at why the picture (that I saw in the Spirit) had green in it. I thought it was just because green would make the blue seem much less healthy, more dirty or sickly. That's partially true. But the storm/tornado weather makes more sense, deeper sense, and has a message in it.
This picture (and its original version) came as a result of email conversations with my spiritual mum Hazel and probably some online conversations with some Former Adventist friends. Hazel wrote a bit about our original conversation here: Ears that hear what the Spirit of truth is saying...
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